Nitelite Lounge: Classic Old and Dirty! They have troughs!

Nitelite Lounge: Classic Old and Dirty! They have troughs!

Nitelite Lounge: Classic Old and Dirty!

There are no places in Seattle that are known to have a stiffer beverage than the Nitelite.  This dive bar has been pouring heavy for ages, and doing it with the classic bad attitude it’s had for ages.  The Nitelite makes missing the openers for your show at the Moore worth it!  Slam a quick drink or two, and you are all set!  Great to see they decorate Eddie from Iron Maiden for the holidays! The bartenders here have the attitude you’d want in such a lovely place! They will also remind you (maybe in a not so friendly way) that it is cash only! 

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The bathrooms at Nitelite hold that classic dive-tastic feeling as well!  Anyplace with a trough always gets right to my heart!  The floors are an odd good olde linoleum, and the walls are graffiti filled, and the bathroom has a strong odor that reminds you that you are indeed in a grunge, divey bathroom from the 1910’s. 

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Cleanliness: 2 out of 5 toilets

Stocked: 3 out of 5 toilets

Unique: 2 out of 5 toilets

Smell: 1 out of 5 toilets

The Crocodile: Of Rockstars and Territorial Pissings

The Crocodile: Of Rockstars and Territorial Pissings

The Crocodile: Rockstar and Territorial Pissings

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The Croc has earned its stars and has finally settled as a great slightly larger than intimate place to see a show! The renovations look, feel and sound great.  The charm and nuances of the previously layout are missed, but these improvements turn it into a proper venue.  The old meny was pretty great, and the Via Trib pizza is tasty!

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It’s easy to find conversation in the unisex bathroom waiting room.  Last time I was there, I got to hear some good pickup lines by a dude that must have just read The Game.  He was all over it.  The Croc has Rock’n’Roll history, and the pictures of classic grunge and Seattle acts are all over the walls, with the Courtney Love rear end photo right by the nice marble trough style  watering hole/hand washing sink! crocsink2

Toilets are seperate stalls and were well kept, sparkling clean and stocked!

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Cleanliness: 5 out of 5 toilets

Stocked: 5 out of 5 toilets

Unique: 3 out of 5 toilets

Smell: 4 out of 5 toilets

Shorty’s: Madhouse Bathroom!

shortysmadnessShorty’s has been a punk Belltown haven for years now.  Kickass pinball tables to eat and drink on, great pinball (Medieval Madness always has sharks waiting for next game), classic Hot Dog menu with veggie dogs even, and boozy slushies that have a kick!   Great place to see the freaks on a late night!

The Bathrooms maintain the carnival madhouse theme and even include a nasty port-a-potty scent.  It’s as grimey as a bathroom can come: pungent and dirty. On the positive side it’s well stocked everytime I’ve been there!   Graffiti has taken over all areas to add to the charm. The best part about this bathroom is the pumped in carnival music to help you get in the mood!  The feeling that scary clowns might enter at any second is present!

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The swinging bathroom door gives just enough privacy to do one’s business and lets the walker byes get a small glipse of the users back! shortysdoorshortysswing

This long time Seattle punk institution makes for a great divey stop in Belltown!   shortystoiletsshortystoilet

Cleanliness: 1 out of 5 toilets

Stocked: 5 out of 5 toilets

Unique: 3 out of 5 toilets

Smell: 1 out of 5 toilets

The 5 Point: View of the Needle, even while going #1

The 5 Point: View of the Needle, even while going #1

There isn’t a tour of Seattle’s bathrooms without a stop at the famous 5 Point and their periscope which gives you a view of the Space Needle while your going number 1.

The 5 Point is known for it’s greasy spoon, quick sassy service, it’s ultra divey and funny décor, and always stiff drinks! PRO TIP: Make bumbershoot cheaper by hitting the 5 Point for breakfast before you hit the concerts.  The bathroom was 50’s kitsch divey with great clean baby blue tiles.  A rustic old fashioned urinal that has been there since day one, assumedly.  The view from the periscope was a bit murky, but it’s a great touch.  Nice that they even have some hand written text to let you know what your are looking at!

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Cleanliness: 3 out of 5 toilets

Stocked: 5 out of 5 toilets

Unique: 4 out of 5 toilets

Smell: 4 out of 5 toilets

Canon: The Bathroom Bar Has Been Set

Canon: The Bathroom Bar Has Been Set

There is no bathroom like this one in Seattle, and would be amongst the best National bathrooms lids down! Canon has set the standard. Canon is already amongst the classiest of bars in the Jet City with a elite bar staff and the classiest drinks.
But now the bathrooms at Canon are slick, brilliant and entertaining. Decorated with fancy liquor bottles in great cages.
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Upon entering the bathroom, your presence triggers an old fashioned decorated speaker playing classic radio talkies. Old Ghost stories or the Postman Only Rings Twice crackling just like it would in the 20’s. You might just be enticed to staying in the can a little longer! 20130923-193625.jpg

The Herbfarm: Is the toilet paper 100 miles sourced?

The Herbfarm: Is the toilet paper 100 miles sourced?

photo (4)The Herbfarm’s bathrooms take a smaller version of Mulleady’s urinal and swank up the bathroom like only a $250 plate can afford.  Every ounce of this bathroom is curated and balanced to continue the swanky experience from head to toe once you enter the Herbfarm.  This restaurant serves up some of the fanciest food in the Seattle area with a theme for the night.  My night’s theme was the 100 Miles, with every ingrediant (including the grapes/flour/salt/pepper) being within the 100 mile diameter of the Herbfarm.  I was hoping to see that yes, even the toilet paper was 100 miles sourced!.

Great toilets, decor, smells and feels deliver the exquisite experience.  One of the best out there!

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Cleanliness: 5 out of 5 toilets

Stocked: 5 out of 5 toilets

Unique: 5 out of 5 toilets

Smell: 5 out of 5 toilets

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Mulleady’s Irish Bar: Urinal For Giants!

Mulleady’s Irish Bar: Urinal For Giants!

Mulleady’s is a neat and clean Irish bar in Magnolia.  It’s not your Irish bar in a box, nor divey. They have slick bar tables, and the menu is a bit top scale fancy Irish fare.  They have an excellent happy hour, and are located near Softball fields and soccer fields, so hit them up after the game for good beers on tap!

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The highlight of Mulleady’s bathroom is the giant large white urinal that will transform you into a elementary school child again.  In your current adult form, it’s massive height and width is sure to remind you  what it felt like when you were six in front of those industrial white urinals.  This is one of my favorite toilets I’ve ever experienced!  It feels like a Hollywood prop that was used for Honey I shrunk the Kids or something.   The rest of the bathroom at Mulleady’s is standard size, and everything is clean and in order.

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Cleanliness: 4 out of 5 toilets

Stocked: 5 out of 5 toilets

Unique: 4 out of 5 toilets

Smell: 4 out of 5 toilets

In the Bowl: Bathroom Garden Getaway!

In the Bowl: Bathroom Garden Getaway!

In the Bowl: Bathroom Garden Getaway!

If you haven’t been to this bathroom, I strongly recommend occupying it soon!  I haven’t seen or heard anything like this one.  In the Bowl is known for spicy food (I’m a 4 star spice kinda guy, but here I take 2) and great vegetarian options.  The menu is a pleasure in itself with it’s odd word usage and using the term “Episodes” for courses.  Always provides a chuckle when you see the names of dishes.

For the bathroom, words don’t do it justice! Check out this Youtube experience of it:

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lsn4Uky_l4A

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When you walk in the bathroom, you will hear the lovely sounds of birds chirping away.  Your eyes feast on the lush plants placed all over the walls and surrounding the fixtures, toilet and sink.  You are entering a forest, so now do your business in peace!   The sounds and plastic plants provide so much relaxation for your bathroom pleasure! It’s where you have always wanted to drop the kids off at the pool right?

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Cleanliness: 4 out of 5 toilets

Stocked: 5 out of 5 toilets

Unique: 5 out of 5 toilets

Smell: 4 out of 5 toilets

Linda’s Tavern: The Secret Bathroom

Linda’s Tavern: The Secret Bathroom

lindas1Linda’s Tavern is classic Seattle. Great staff, cheap drinks and fun clientele always.  The food is a greasy spoon, and there are few places better to sit on the outside patio in Seattle taking in the hipster elite, and realizing this bar was the last place Kurt Cobain stopped at before his tragic ending.

On another note, the bathrooms:   Linda’s most used bathroom are pretty scary.  The Men’s room has a half broken swinging door that gives all passerby’s a perfect view of what is going on inside.  Ever wanted to get a sneak peak of your friend’s junk?  Just wait til they go to the can and be a creepy peeping tom in the bathroom.  The men’s room is very dirty and left to the use of drunk hipsters who don’t mind it.  The urinals are dirty and loaded with the latest grind core stickers. I just wonder who is ballsy enough to put those stickers on the urinals.  The stall and toilet would be passable for someone to sit on, if the previous users hadn’t used the seat for extra target practice of their pee.  It is always caked in pee when I go in there.

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Which leads us to the Secret bathroom at Linda’s.  This one is located near the kitchen in a bit of a hidden space.  This bathroom is always useful if one needs a clean respite from the horrors of scary bathrooms, or if you need to hit that #2 (Who do you work for #2?).  Some great old fashioned gas station looking sinks and garbage cans give it a tiny bit of flair, but mainly this bathroom scores points, as it is so much better than the most used restrooms them have.

 

 

The Hurricane: Holy WTF?

The Hurricane: Holy WTF?

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I’ve yet to find a more dumpy bathroom in any Seattle establishment (seen worse in Tijuana, China,  India and Florida). There was no door, boxes to crawl over, exposed wall and pipes everywhere.  The sink wasn’t working on this particular day, and the toilet was gnarly.  One can imagine what lives in here when it gets slow at night.  The stench was horrible.  One would think with the quality of food served at the Hurricane, the bathroom would be kept well with all the use it gets.  This is one to stay away from hell.  It is indeed “Unique”!

Cleanliness:  1 out of 5 toilets

Stocked: 2 out of 5 toilets

Unique: 3 out of 5 toilets

Smell:   1 out of 5 toilets